Friday, February 19, 2010

Palin and the Pack

Some of you who follow our posts at conservative.org and at cpac.org have wondered why Marco Rubio and not Gov'nor Palin gave the uplifting address at CPAC 2010.

We know that the message had to be first: ‘2010 is a referendum on the very identity of our nation’.


A message like that needs to be written out on a complete French-cuff  - from Brooks Brothers Mensa Warehouse or Armani if you've got it.

We know you felt disappointed, brooded in the let-down, sitting there with her photo in your hand.

Yes, we know that many of you who must act alone, who must use your final acts of freedom to help tear down the big government that is destroying, desolving and defaming our nation!  We know that many of you could not fly your private planes from Alaska to DC.  We understand that you must think nationally, but act locally!

When the very identity of our nation is at risk - a delicate virgin about to be ravaged - when our pristine freedoms will be taken away forever - now is the time to act!

And no one knows how to act the part better than Marco Rubio!  Mark married the cheerleader!

While Mark has not been as active as we would like in rezoning Papa Johnstown to permit a larger Pentecostal Sanctuary - a real Panther Sanctuary where confused teens can escape from Jesuit dogmas - but unlike McCain, he is still a Conservative!

We are a Christian Nation!  Do not let some Amendment to the Consteatution confuse you: the separation of Statist Policies from Revealed Truths was to limit the influence of Presbyterians at a time when Methodists were not yet Pentecostals!  George Washington was not yet an Evangelical!

Yes we can tolerate a few Jews in New York - and even in Florida, where they only come to convert!

Those Polacks in Detroit were at least Catholics!  Those Portugeese in Boston at least know how to do up a hotel room!

Win back the identity of America!  Stop immigration from Canada!  Recent revisions of census data by Christian demographers at the Family Lives Foundation have shown conclusively that the major ethnic group in America is not German Hessians, no - it is Scots-Anglo-Irish !  They traveled from the southern Scottish Highlands through London to Northern Ireland and then by potato boat to America!  Restore jigs and reels, the true jazz of America and the music of fisherman from Florida to Alaska!

Help America open the first Pentecostal Mission in Kaliningrad!  Help Hugh Jackman open the first Pentecostal Mission within the walls of Baghdad!  Stop Israel from preventing the rebuilding of the Gardens of Babylon and needlessly postponing the Final Days!

On that final days when the bodily resurrected sinners are cast into eternal hellfire, on that day, freed of Mormons and Hindoos, we will see that it was now, in 2010, that we acted to preserve the American Identity  before it is too late!

Act now!  Martyrs will rise from the ashes!  Over-throw statist big government!  REVOLUTION!

Fact: Conservative Revolution permits the sale of government buildings to members of the private sector who embrace the Entrepreneurial Spirit.  Register now at CPAC so that your name will be in the list in the Last Days of BIG Government!

Fact: Conservative Revolution provides as boost to tourism as less fortunate foreigners come by the boatload to see how we restored the American Dream!

Advert: Mark Rubio for President!

Advert: Marco Rubio talsk the talk, but JUST LIKE John MacCain he don't walk the walk!  Todd Palin for Vice-President!  Help launch the Conservative Dynasty!  Repeal term limits!  Allow the Mother of all Mothers to serve until she has reached her full term!  Five Score and twenty!

Fact: Had George W. Bush and Dick Chainy been permitted to serve the number of terms which God had intended, we would have no war in Afganistan!  Black Guard and Helliburnton had already arranged to redraw the British border to finally grant our ally, Pakistan, its Manifest Destiny!  From Pentecostal missions in Lahore, Islameebad and Karatchee we are now able to reach the primitive people and savages of the high mountain passes.  We may even discover the lost city of Shangree-Law.  We are now able to house refugee Christians from India as she seeks her true Identity, denied her by Alexander the Greek's cowardice!  First India, then Singapour and then Taiwan, Island Capital of all them Chinamen!  The Chinks will thank us!  All this in the lifetime of one, the last, the TRUE President!  Paint the White House Silver-and-Gold!

Contributions from Glenn Beck were so helpful in preparing this post, but you know Glen, even though the White House is now black, we wanted to see a silver-lining.  You can paint the Treasury Temple GOLD!
Paint the Smithsonian Kremlin RED!

Advert: We rely on telephone calls and e-mails from all of our supporters who are trapped in their government jobs to pay mortgages you had before you were reborn.  Some of you labor in the bowels of the Pentagon, some of you in the Hilary State Department - but keep those messages of support and encouragement coming in!  We now have sketches of key Vatican weaknesses from our friends at the CIA and we will manage to paratroop in the Mission at Saint Peters before the Last Days are upon us!  See the Lion lay down with the Lamb in Saint Marks Square right there in the Vatican!  Free Romans from the walls of the Vatican!  Pope Benedict!  Bring down the walls!  Behold the Anti-Christ! A black man in the white house!  Send funds to the the Community Christian Center in your town and help support the Universal Pentecostal Mission!

Fact: Withhold your taxes and bring about the Last Days of the IRS!  The revolution is at hand!  Let every man show his true colors!  There is a fire burning in the House of the Nation and it is a Conservative flame!

Advert: We know the struggle to get your children to memorize only the Psalms that really belong in the Bible!  Now we have the new American Bible Service!  Each year we will send your child a new Bible with just the right verses for his age group.  No more white-out in the Song of Saulomen!  Improved translations include those of our founders: "Who has photographed a dinosaur!  Who has seen global warning" [ God speaking to Jobe from the blender]  A Bible in every backpack!  A Bible on every IPOD. [digital versions extra.]

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